CHILD ABUSE — PREVENTION & RESPONSE

Thanks so much for the opportunity to be with you today. I always consider it a great honour to share from my 17year experience working with families across different continents. The subject of child sexual abuse is the biggest global epidemic but least talked about and least responded to by those that should know better. That is the part that is beyond me because child abuse is more deadly than any terrorism network and more potent than any nuclear weapon.

As a matter of fact every misbehaviour in adulthood can be traced to a mismanaged childhood and most of the challenges our world is troubled about are being perpetrated by adults whose childhood was compromised. The deadly effect of child abuse is stolen childhood and identity that a person may need to struggle with for the rest of his life.

Why do people get married to spouses that they should never have married if their sense of esteem and identity has not been tampered with?

Why do people stay in abusive relationships even when in the animal kingdom a threatened animal would have fled?

Why do people find it difficult to confront a bad leader simply because they feel they are unworthy?

Everytime you see what looks like insecurity and low self -esteem if you drill down you’d find a form of abuse in the person’s childhood that has not been handled. Unfortunately our kids are also being abused and we are collaborating with the abusers.

Let me drive this home a bit

Case 1

Tarila was 6 and lived in PH with his mother but started falling ill at age 6 yet they kept treating him for malaria and typhoid. It was at the point of death that it was discovered that he had a sexually transmitted infection that has affected his system. He eventually confessed that his aunty who lived with them(22years) had been having sex with him for 7months.

He eventually died

Case 2

Mrs Jones in Okota area of Lagos ran to me in 2008 and wept profusely for 2hours till she was finally able to share with me that she caught her husband who pastors a church trying to force himself on their 4year old daughter.

Can you beat that?

Case 3

Jude was 4 when the houseboy started having gay sex with him and every houseboy continued from where the previous one stopped. All his life men raped him from boarding house till he started working in a multinational. He eventually confessed to his pastor but his case was taken to church council and he was excommunicated. I met him at the point of suicide.

Case 4

Ruth had gone to work and left her 5year old with the house boy that had been with them In the last 3years. She noticed her son played football with the guy so she wasn’t suspicious of anything and was comfortable leaving the boy with him being a midterm day.

She forgot a document at home and returned only to see the door of the house opened. She was boiling with anger and searched everywhere and didn’t see her son and the houseboy until she walked into the guest bathroom and met her son laughing with the houseboy’s penis in his mouth. She almost ran mad but the houseboy escaped.

Case 5

Tenny all of a sudden went introverted from being an extrovert. Her mother went to share testimony in church claiming God had taken control of her life. Her grades started dropping at school and they withdrew all the privileges to avoid distractions yet there was no improvement. By the time they got to me we discovered the class teacher had been fingering her and showing her porn that she had totally lost her passion for study because he had threatened to kill her should she tell anyone.

I want you to cast your mind back to your childhood at this juncture and remember your encounter with the predator who was well trusted by your family members. I want you to remember the little plays and the bad videos you saw simply because someone was careless around you. Why did that happen and how come your parents never knew about it?

The same reason you never reported it is the same reason your child may never tell you anything.

In all of these the dynamics would have been totally different if we were exposed to age appropriate sexuality education from age 2.

Sexual abuse is when the vulnerability of a minor is taken advantage of by a major or a fellow minor to derive sexual satisfaction. In recent times more children have abused other children especially in school buses and in boarding houses.

There are two levels of abuse. There is abuse by interaction and there is abuse by orientation. Interaction is when a child is touched while orientation is when a child listens or sees adult content and this may come in form of adult songs played during birthday parties or in school or even in your car. Watching Mexican soaps or home videos with your kids is a form of abuse.

Statistics says 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys would be sexually abused before the age of 18. And latest reports from boarding houses has it that more boys are now into fuckarama which is gay orgies where school fathers penetrate the anus of their school sons and they are warned never to reveal it to anyone.

Sexual abuse steals a child’s identity and gives him or her a problem that she may deal with for the rest of her life except by intervention. Sex predators are everywhere from religious houses to schools and they are never strangers but people you know so well.

The effect is devastating on a child and the child may grow to suffer sexual anorexia which when stretched can lead to frigidity or same sex tendency or the child may become sexually promiscuous simply because his/her sexuality has been tampered with.

There are several things to look out for that gives you a clue of a child that has been sexually abused. None is cast in stone but it is always good to probe to at least be sure that all is well;

– When an extroverted child becomes introverted or when an introverted child suddenly goes wild

– When a child exhibits sexualized behaviour

– When a child becomes violent or avoids a particular adult

– When a child becomes uneccesarily close to domestic helps outside the parents

– When a child becomes rude to someone that he should ordinarlly respect

– When a child starts to all of a sudden fingers herself

Please note that the above could be indicative that something else is wrong so you don’t have to be worried but you need to probe.

Let me state here that the strength of the predator is in the ignorance of a child and the negligence of the parents. A predator knows that you may never have taught your child about his sexuality and how to kick out a predator so the first thing a predator does is to teach your child how to keep secrets before they make a demand on a child’s sexuality. Our parents did not teach us about our sexuality and many of us struggled and now that we are parents we are doing the same.

You will not always be around your child at all times but what you can always do is to EMPOWER your child against PREDATORS through age appropriate sexuality education.

Time will fail me to go into what to teach your child about sex from ages 3–18 but you are the one that can do it. Last year we created a CHILD POWER SOLUTION that helps kick out predators and we are currently on a promo which terminates in 48hours.

The first sets of parents that have used this have had too many testimonies that made us cry because their kids were able to expose predators and some improved academically while a lot more because better in their overall conduct. The biggest news of this program is that a lot of kids who never spoke up started confiding in their parents.

All you need do is subscribe and you will have access to the program for ages 3–10 and 11–18. If you subscribe you can have the two. It comes with 52 week content for the two age ranges and it is audio downloadable. All we need is 20mins of your time with your children every week and all you need to teach them is already recorded for you. Just play and listen with your kids and you are good to go. It also comes with Superkids sexuality education book, Strictly for parents book and Sex Helplines books and 5 sexuality education songs. Above all you’d be able to hang out with me in a closed facebook group all year round and learn master tips on parenting as well as access to some of my free seminars. Child power subscription is 35k/annum but you can have it for 20k in the next 48hours after which price reverts. If you don’t have 20k you may want to do the 3 months or 6month version as well.

I can tell you for free that many kids would become gay because the aggressive agenda of the gay movement is now all over our schools and the rate of porn use among ages 8 is alarming in the last one year. In 13 states in Nigeria ages 7 are sexually active.

Frederick Douglass said ‘ It is better to build strong children than to be trying to repair broken adults’ the only option we have is not to pray but to help our children know the truth about their sexuality so that the truth they know can set them free.

Thanks so much for this opportunity.

God bless you.